I decided to spend part of my Valentine’s evening chatting  next to a Subway with a Brother of the Road. His name was Kel. He had a wife, but she died almost three years ago. He had opportunity for great things, but, at the time, he gave up on it all.  He enjoyed to drink and smoke. But it kills you! “Slowly.” He replied. And despite all this, he was content, happier than many people I’ve met, and wiser than double that amount. We got into talking about future changes, Asia, history, corruption, love, God, UCLA, USC, music…so many aspects and parts of life. ”I hate to repeat myself so much, but let your heart lead the way.” He so many times would tell me throughout our conversation and then beat his chest. What a cliché line to treasure, and yet it held so much meaning to him. It was because he had once given up on his heart, and lost so much that he kept reminding me, kept encouraging me, and emboldening me.

“You can’t save the world” was the runner-up saying of the night.  It’s just too troublesome and impossible to do, we both concluded. A job left to God. Kel didn’t consider himself a “Holy Roller” but he believed in God and the main man Jesus. “Eternal life?! Doesn’t that just blow your mind?” Hah, I thought to myself, it does. “Every day’s a choice, live or die, you get to pick. And I know we both want to live.” Kel said. Yea, everyday’s a gift. He got to sharing about what he had and told me “I got my music, my drink, and I’m warm.” I was in awe, it was all he needed and he was content.

Earlier in the day I’d been wondering how much is too much? What is the balance between receiving blessing and hoarding wealth? But here I encountered a man who had rewritten the rules of comfort and lived not worrying about clothing/food for tomorrow. At one point He looked me in the eye very seriously and told me “If you ever need anything, pray and ask God.” He understood.

I got to pray for him. And even though I suspected that he was, I still prayed that he’d be content. Right as I spoke it he said out loud, while wagging his finger at me, “I like that word, content!” as if agreeing with the value of its meaning from past experience. Truly this man’s treasure was in heaven, for that’s where his heart was also. It then hit me. That was the answer to my question. Where was my heart storing treasure?

—

“If it wasn’t for God, I wouldn’t be here talking to you today. I’d be six feet under.” Kel replied.

I wouldn’t be talking to you either if it wasn’t for God.

…I guess God brought us together here today.

He grunted in agreement.

We believe in sex before, during and after marriage.
We believe in the therapy of sin.
We believe that adultery is fun.
We believe that sodomy’s OK.
We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything’s getting better,
despite evidence to the contrary.
The evidence must be investigated
And you can prove anything with evidence.

We believe that there’s something in horoscopes,
UFO’s and bent spoons;
Jesus was a good man just like Buddha,
Mohammed and ourselves.
He was a good moral teacher although we think
His good morals were bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same –
at least the one that we read was.
They all believe in love and goodness.
They only differ on matters of creation,
sin, heaven, hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes the Nothing
Because when you ask the dead what happens they say nothing.
If death is not the end, if the dead have lied,
then it’s compulsory heaven for all
excepting perhaps
Hitler, Stalin and Genghis Khan.

We belive in Masters and Johnson.
What’s selected is average.
What’s average is normal.
What’s normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament.
We believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed.
Americans should beat their guns into tractors
and the Russians would be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good.
It’s only his behavior that lets him down.
This is the fault of society.
Society is the fault of conditions.
Conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him.
Reality will adapt accordingly.
The universe will readjust.
History will alter.
We believe that there is no absolute truth
excepting the truth
that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds,
and the flowering of individual thought.
  
-written by Steve Turner

As I went to the market and while I drove to Subway, seeing kids here and there, I thought about who I had become. Was I proud of myself? Had it been a worthwhile three years? Hm. I still fight with my mother. I couldn’t help my father today. Grades aren’t terribly brilliant and college is going to take five instead of four years. Grad school? Hmm…I’d need to get better grades. Then…it was the first time that whole day out, I didn’t think about me. Pulling into a parking spot in front of Subway there was a man standing behind some bushes, obviously where a normal man isn’t supposed to usually stand. His face was grim, no joy at all. Perhaps homeless. What to do, What to do…talk to him? Get him something to eat? Chat with him? Ok Ok Ok, sandwich first to calm the apprehension, then go find him. “Any chips or a drink with that sir??” the cashier said. No. “That’ll be $5.49.” Alright, Alright where is he, where is that guy??? Ah…where’d he go? I don’t know, I can’t find him. He just left. He’s gone.

Next time..Next time.

What am I talking about…of course not.

Well, that’s what I’ve been told, I don’t really remember any of that. I don’t have a good crisp memory in the first place so I have to reach deep into my head and rummage for memories. The earliest memory I have is quite an interesting one and it takes place in Alhambra. My Chinese grandparents lived in Alhambra when I was a small child and they, for the majority of the time, took care of me because both my parents worked at the time. Alhambra is a city in a large expanse of Chinese-American territory in LA county. It is what it sounds like, Chinese community in America. They lived in an apartment complex on one of the higher floors and I remember peeking out of the windows looking at cars and what not, sometimes seeing the garbage man throw out garbage in his garbage truck(according to my mother, I wanted to be a garbage when I was very young). When you’re a kid, just about anything is incredibly entertaining.

Here’s the one of the first(of very few) memories I have of that life in Alhambra:

I did as most kids do and played with toys. I played with an assortment of cheap plastic(i.e. oversized LEGOs, plastic rings, plastic creatures & action heroes etc.) that is oh so good at entertaining to kids. Looking back, I wonder what I exactly did with them but probably nothing out of the ordinary besides slamming them together or causing a tiny scene of destruction throwing blocks and things everywhere. Well, one day I was playing outside the apt with these toys, and I’m assuming I was having the time of my life just using my imagination to entertain myself and then…there appeared this girl. She was around my age or older and asian. By now, your mind might be floating(quickly or slowly) towards childhood romance scenes of sharing and caring, playing together and maybe that I somehow made a pinky promise with this girl to meet her again later in my life and that I’m still wondering where she is and whether or not we can share all those memories again. Hah! Fat Chance. She came up to me, probably(I’m guessing b/c I don’t remember quite clear enough) played with me a little, but in the end, she stole some of my toys. Yea. My first interaction with a girl that I remember is getting bullied and stolen from by one. I was dealt a great injustice and thankfully when I was young, I was smart. SO, feeling wronged at the time, I stood up as she was walking away and then I remember letting out some sort of short battle cry(or maybe I was just beginning to whimper and cry snot&tears because she took my favorite color block?) then charging at her and tackling her to the ground. I say she’s my age or older because she put up a good fight and I ended up losing and getting kicked in the knee pretty hard. Her parents really let her run wild because I guess they weren’t watching and neither were my grandparents. I guess I was probably relatively close to the apt. door. Total loss, stolen from and beat up at the age of 3 or 4.

That would’ve been intense if that had happened. Yea, that never happened. Let me clarify, I got stolen from, and I remember feeling sad about it but I don’t remember in detail what really happened after. Her parents would probably return the toys back when it happened. Haha. It’s always interesting to fill it in with various plots and storylines though! I would feel jipped if I read that too and was now reading this, but feel free to fill in my ending too with whatever you think fits the most. I really do wonder who that girl was and what she’s doing now, I got a few words to say to her if I meet her(nothing mean of course), haha.

That’s Random Fact #2.

I’m a pretty bad blog writer. Don’t talk about much. I’d rather take one picture everyday and post it. Perhaps I’ll purchase one of those magnificent SLR cameras one day. Quite Magical. This post is going everywhere. Psych Professor today just about concluded that there is no free will, but rather a conglomerate of procedures in your brain that leads to produce what you produce. Past experiences, human nature, etc just contribute to a more “complex” result. Got to read up on my psych. before I can retort in a manner in sync with all their jargon!

Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence.

—–

“The problem of reconciling human suffering with the existence of a God who loves, is only insoluble so long as we attach a trivial meaning to the word ‘love’, and look on things as if man were the center of them. Man is not the center. God does not exist for the sake of man. Man does not exist for his own sake. ‘Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. Rev. 4:11′ We were made not primarily that we may love God(though we were made for that too) but that God may love us, that we may become objects in which the Divine love may rest ‘well pleased.’ To ask that God’s love should be content with us as we are is to ask that God should cease to be God: because He is what He is, His love must, in the nature of things, be impeded and repelled by certain stains in our present character, and because He already loves us He must labour to make us loveable.”

- C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain